Green Book

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I was looking forward to watching a movie full of triumphs and heart-wrenching moments. I guess I was expecting Little Miss Sunshine meets The Help.

Sadly, Green Book was a somewhat shallow story that did not reach the emotional depths that I expected it would.

It’s about Frank “Tony Lip” Vallelonga (Viggo Mortensen) who works as a bouncer before being asked to drive a successful (and rather pompous) African American musician (Doctor Don Shirley) around the deep south… Continue reading →

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Beauty and the Beast (2017)

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The 1991 Disney animation of Beauty & the Beast is a movie that I love dearly. So while I had major reservations about this remake – mostly because of Emma Watson – I was quietly optimistic about it. Perhaps today’s technology will enhance the magic…

But no. It doesn’t. This remake was appalling, and my reluctance to watch it was proven understandable.

The casting was totally wrong. Right off the bat Emma Watson – or should I say Hermione Granger – was a problem. While she fits the physicality of Belle, her same-old expression of open-mouthed, furrow-browed facials were tiring to say the least… Continue reading →

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Signs

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What a shame.

I love The Sixth Sense. I love The Village. I love Split. Unbreakable was pretty cool. But how has Signs not kept up with the Shyamalan grade?

I love a good sci-fi thriller as much as the next person, but this had all the potential and none of the thrills… Continue reading →

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Cloverfield

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Cloverfield is basically The Blair Witch Project but set during an apocalypse in a city, rather than a witch hunt in the woods. I thought it would be an easy watch, and perhaps even a good film as I’ve always heard it being referenced to.

(Not to be confused with 10 Cloverfield Lane, which is the second instalment.)… Continue reading →

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Maleficent

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I had disregarded Maleficent as a boring and unnecessary retelling of a well-known fairytale. But I asked around and heard such positive reviews about it, so I decided to give it a chance especially because Sleeping Beauty is one of my favourites and Maleficent is about the ‘baddie’ of that tale.

Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) is a powerful fairy who lives in a land adjacent to a town. One day, she meets a human man called Stefan (Michael Higgins (child), Jackson Bews (teen)) and they fall in love. Unfortunately, they drift apart because Stefan is all like, ‘I want power, money and control; I’m going get a job in our local castle’. But she’s like, ‘oh no, I’m heartbroken’… Continue reading →

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Everybody’s Fine

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It’s a film I’d never heard of, but bought at a second hand shop on a whim because it featured Robert DeNiro.

It’s advertised as a drama and marketed around Christmas time because of the family themes in the story. However, I think it would have brought a dark cloud over the holidays if you were to watch this film during December! The marketing is incredibly misleading.

It’s not funny. It’s not happy. It’s not carefree… Continue reading →

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Dark Places

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Why do I do this to myself? I read the book, then watch the movie. Of course I’m going to be disappointed. 

As per the Gillian Flynn book of the same name, this is a story about a seven-year-old girl, Libby Day, who witnessed the massacre of her family. She testifies against her 15-year-old brother, who gets jail for life.

Basically, what was a layered and intriguing mystery in the book, becomes a simplified one-watch film. It’s really nothing special. It’s just a good-looking woman skulking about, and figuring out the mystery with very little effort… Continue reading →

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Murder on the Orient Express

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‘Um. No.’ – My review in brief of both the film and book.

I read the book then immediately watched the film, but ultimately they were both disappointing. (The film, more so.)

I am a huge Agatha Christie fan and have read a fair few of her books, but despite its fame, Murder on the Orient Express is by far the biggest disappointment – mostly due to the ending… Continue reading →

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Their Finest

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Well. That was a pretty enormous disappointment.

After seeing the trailer, I thought, ‘this is my kind of film’. During 1940, a female protagonist, Catrin (Emma Arterton) proves herself to be a talented screenwriter for propaganda films (created to inform, and to lift the spirits of the public). Bill Nighy – a fabulous actor – plays an egotistical has-been actor called Ambrose, and everyone looks beautiful.

‘Brilliant’, I thought, ‘a coming-of-age drama based around film and writing – both things I love – with a sprinkle of comedy and a touch of tragedy against a wartime backdrop.’

How wrong I was… Continue reading →

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Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

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After 20 minutes of watching this Harry Potter spin-off, I realised it was not going to get any better.

A story of a man (Eddie Redmayne) who was expelled from Hogwarts goes to America to save and conserve magical beasts that have been wrongly accused of being dangerous within the magical community.

Unfortunately, this gets out of hand and his magical beasts escape into New York city and interact with Muggles – or as the Americans call them, No-maj. (Non-magical people.)

I had hyped myself up to see it because I had recently had a Harry Potter movie binge-watch, and had read one of the Potter books. So I thought, to be a real Harry Potter fan, I really ought to see Fantastic Beasts before it ‘disapparated’ from the cinemas.

Unfortunately, it was everything I feared… Continue reading →

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David Brent: Life of the Road

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Looking forward to having a big belly laugh, my boyfriend was quick to remind me about his older films. Of which only one – Cemetery Junction – I enjoyed.

He was right, and my initial excitement for David Brent: Life on the Road suddenly took a dive.

Thinking about it, Ricky Gervais has a knack for TV series, but in his film career – in my opinion – he has always been a one-trick-pony.

After the first five-minutes of becoming reacquainted with the cocky and cringe-worthy character of David Brent, the repetitive jokes were drilled in over and over. This comedy became boring quite rapidly… Continue reading →

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Hector and the Search for Happiness

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I thought this was going to be an English version of Walter Mitty… I think that was the aim anyway, but it certainly wasn’t the final product.

Unfortunately, this potentially deep and meaningful storyline was not achieved due to the general lack of believability, and the distaste toward the main character, Hector (Simon Pegg).

Basically, Hector is a psychiatrist and he finds himself unfulfilled. So he goes on a journey around the world, visiting countries including China and Africa, to find out what makes people happy… Continue reading →

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What We Did on our Holiday

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Like my horse, it’s funny at the beginning, saggy in the middle and a bit crappy at the end.

This is a film – featuring the spectacular David Tennant (Dr. Who!!) and Rosamund Pike – about a family of five going on holiday to Scotland for the grandfather’s 75th birthday party.

Long story short, the parents are having a divorce but only the children know, and they are sworn to secrecy while visiting their sickly grandfather so as to keep his final years pleasant… Continue reading →

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Now You See Me

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Um. Yeeeeaaaah. So the reviews I had been reading before I went to see Now You See Me, basically stated that it was over-complicated and so layered that one would need to watch it more than once.

This is quite simply, not the case.

It is so clichéd, so typical, so obvious, that the ending could be guessed half way through the film.

The ‘twist’ is… Barely even a twist. It wasn’t shocking or unforeseen at all. My reaction was more like, “oh yeah. Hmm. I’m not surprised”… Continue reading →

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This is the End

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If you enjoyed The Hangover, Ted, 21 Jump Street and Superbad, then you will probably love this movie.

It is about the end of the world and how it affects the Hollywood stars in Los Angeles. Their public image is mocked and they play to their weaknesses. Like, what do you reckon Michael Cera, Jonah Hill and Christopher Mintz-Plasse are like at a party? Yeah, they play to your assumptions which is quite hilarious.

It is a movie that makes fun of every actor’s reputation, with Jonah Hill being the funniest.

As the world’s end comes to a close, those who did not get saved and go to heaven have to stay on Earth to fight for their survival. Pretty much every Hollywood star did not get accepted into heaven, including Emma Watson, Rihanna and Paul Rudd. So as… Continue reading →

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Oz: The Great and Powerful

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Oz is a young children’s movie. Something I was quite unaware of until I was sitting bored brainless in the theatre.

It was an okay movie with a fantastical world of colour and mystery. But essentially no surprises or twists at all. The happily-ever-after ending was inevitable and the actions of the characters predictable… Continue reading →

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Movie 43

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So it’s pretty much a series of skits, all directed and written by different people. The story line was that a crazed writer blackmails a producer to get his movie made. The finished product is the movie that is in the cinemas now, Movie 43.

I mean, obviously this film was not going to be good, you could tell that from the trailer.

I can’t say I actually laughed at all in this movie… The funniest scene was the first short with Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman but even so, I only giggled a little… Continue reading →

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Super

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Wow. Okay. Where do I start? I stumbled across this film when I was searching for all the movies that Ellen Page has starred in (she’s one of my favourites actresses). Loving superhero movies anyway I thought that this was going to be a genius concoction of fantastic actors and an epic storyline…

I can’t, unfortunately, say that this was the case. The trailer is a bit misleading, portraying it solely as a comedy. However, the genre of this film is most certainly a BLACK comedy. Very sadistic, violent and rather gruesome. It would be a superhero version of the black comedy A Film With Me In It (featuring Dylan Moran) which I found equally disturbing.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy sadistic and gruesomely bloody movies. I love Quentin Tarentino’s Inglorious Basterds and horrors such as Scream and The House of Wax… Continue reading →

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Two Little Boys

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I am so disturbed! Okay, I know it was a black comedy, but where was the comedy?

It was about Deano (Hamish Blake) who showed his ability to dispose of the man that his friend, Nige (Brett McKenzie) accidentally killed. They both go on a wild adventure to dispose of the body, eventually Deano decides to cut the body up… Continue reading →

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The Dictator

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I love Sacha Baron Cohen’s work (for the most part), Ali-G and Borat as well as his amazing performance in the musical Sweeney Todd, where we discovered that he is a half decent singer!

I went into The Dictator with admittedly low expectations, since I quietly thought that perhaps Sacha had sold out after Bruno was released… Continue reading →

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Hereafter

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Released in 2010?? Are you kidding me? I thought we would have mastered the art of writing and making films by then… Jeez!

And Matt Damon. Matt Damon. Where is your head?? You are on my top 10 actors… And you sign yourself up for this??

So anyway, having bought this DVD on a bit of a whim I felt obliged to like it… Continue reading →

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War Horse

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So I went into the cinema with my tissues already to go, as I was expecting another epic Spielberg film which would be as shocking and as accurate as Saving Private Ryan and even more tragic and as touching as Black Beauty… Continue reading →

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